110: appallogetic

how on earth can you not remember somethIng so IMPORTANT?
i'm sorry, should i make this more INTERESTING for you?
you meAn you didn't UNDERSTAND me the first time?
why are you making so many CARELESS Mistakes?
why didn't you write down another REMINDER?
why can't you just Start paying ATTENTION?
you know yOu're just giving EXCUSES right?
i just TOLD you - weren't you listening?
what do you mean you LOST it again?
isn't it yOur FAULT for not focussing?
did that slip youR MIND as well?
is my CLASS too dull foR you?
do i bore You THAT much?

all ways
always
i tie together
assumptions
interrogations
disappointments
with an infinite string of
vincible but not invisible apology,
for
forever 
for ever 
being at the edge
of my
tongue
memory
potential
be-
cause
ijustdon'tmeantobeso

d i s t r a c t e d

---

scrapped:

how on earth can you not remember somethIng so IMPORTANT?
i'm sorry, should i make this more INTERESTING for you?
you meAn you didn't UNDERSTAND me the first time?
why are you making so many CARELESS Mistakes?
why didn't you write down another REMINDER?
why can't you just Start paying ATTENTION?
you know yOu're just giving EXCUSES right?
i just TOLD you - weren't you listening?
what do you mean you LOST it again?
isn't it yOur FAULT for not focussing?
did that slip youR MIND as well?
is my CLASS too dull foR you?
do i bore You THAT much?

from girl to grownup
from aloof to abnormal
from insensible to insensitive
from eccentric to exasperating
i tie together
assumptions
interrogations
disappointments
with an infinite string of
vincible but not invisible apology,
for
forever 
for ever 
being at the edge
of my
tongue
memory
potential
all ways
always
be-
cause
ijustdon'tmeantobeso
d i s t r a c t e d

---

scrapped:

how could you not remember somethIng so IMPORTANT?
i'm sorry, should i make this more INTERESTING for you?
you meAn you didn't UNDERSTAND me the first time?
why are you making so many CARELESS Mistakes?
why didn't you write down another REMINDER?
why can't you just Start paying ATTENTION?
you know yOu're just giving EXCUSES right?
i just TOLD you - weren't you listening?
what do you mean you LOST it again?
isn't it yOur FAULT for not focussing?
did that slip youR MIND as well?
is my CLASS too dull foR you?
do i bore You THAT much?

from girl to grownup
from aloof to abnormal
from eccentric to exasperating
i tie strings of
accusations
assumptions
disappointments
with an infinite thread of
invicible but not invisible apology
forever at the edge
of my
tongue
mind
heart
all ways
allways
always
because
i
re al ly
do n 't mea n
to b e
so
d i str act e d

109: shiftcommandcontrol

type type type type type type type [enter]
{wait}{read}
type type type type type type type type [enter]
{wait}{read}{laugh}
type type type type type [enter]
type typo[backspace]e type [enter]
{read}{laugh}
type type type [enter]
type
{pause}
{wait}{read}{frown}
type [shifthome]
type [shifthome]
type type [shifthome]
{pause}
{think}
type
{pause}
{scroll}{read}
{scroll}
type type [ctrlsshiftleftbackspace] [enter]
{wait}
type [shifthome] typo [enter]
*type [enter]
{read}
type type [ctrlsshiftleftbackspace] [enter]
{wait}{think}
{read}
{pause}
type [shifthome]
{wait}{think}
type [shifthome]
{think}
{wait}
typo

{stop}
[altf4]

108: old poem, revisited

if i had known
what i know today
about what i have to do
day to day
i might have told myself
to move along, stay away;
this is going to be much harder
than what they say.

because once you're in,
you can't sway --
you don't have a choice
but to go all the way;
just hit the ground running
no shortcuts, come what may,
keep on tumbling
more work than play.

but c'est la vie --
now i can only pray
that i do this well,
and not just for the pay
be a ladder, rope or boat
to save those at bay,
or a beacon of hope
for those who might stray.

but if this is my calling
would i then stay?
i guess i won't know
but i hope i'll be okay
and still fulfill my purpose
as a vessel made of clay.

a year has gone by
so now i can safely say
i'm glad i live in technicolor
rather than infinite shades of gray,
anyone can do better
and learn from yesterday
life's what you make it --
you can change your finale.

written 1/3/13
last edited 4/3/14