98: salty

yes, my affinity
towards an infinity
of salty droplets
is now towering over me,
beckoning to drown me.

the sea of love, after all,
is overflowing with tears.

but barely staying afloat as it is,
and with nowhere to go,
my eyes look up to the skies
as tears stream down my face
out of fear
out of desperation.

irrational, but unsurprising;
no choice but to accept being in a whirlpool of pain and anger
struggling against the current of deceit and confusion
all in the guise of life, normalcy and survival...

and as the raging body
of my tsunami of emotions start to fall;
as i stare at the dark and icy water waiting to engulf me,
i fear for my life
as i clutch my heart.

"where do i go from here?"

97: 4

4.1

 there's just
Something
about walking
back home
at four
in the morn.

 it’s the perfect time of day
for fear, for wonder, and
for everything in between;

 it’s the perfect time of night;
to find myself in my dreams, and
to lose myself in my train of thoughts.

 but i'm afraid.
 i might get lost
in the shadows of the night
in the blackness of my mind

 yet
i must walk on

 and
i close my eyes
and
i open my heart
and
i breathe
it all in.

 it is four.

 Light will come
Darkness will cease.

 i must walk on.


4.2

 there's just
Something
about walking
back home
at four
in the morn,

 accompanied by
His drizzles
pitpattering above my head
and drainwater
rushing beneath my feet
and crickets
chirping its wings, somewhere
and lonefrogs
longing and hoping, everywhere.

 and
i close my eyes
and
i open my heart
and
i breathe
it all in.

 this is
Bliss.

 this,
i will miss.

96: Inhabitation Inhibition

Breathein

Breatheout

Pause

i wish i could understand this.

Pause

Breathein

i wish i could tell you off for distracting my thoughts
simply by existing
so you'd know how annoying it is
to be forced to think of someone for no reason at all and

i wish i could know what would happen if i bugged you
every second, minute, hour, day that i think of you
but i don't want you to think of me
wanting you to think of me thinking about you and

i wish i could sleep this off
because me being so preoccupied by you
must be pretty creepy and you should
already know by now i'm weird and this should be expected and

i wish i could figure out
why i can't stop thinking about you
and good lord this whole overthinking
is getting quite ridiculous so

could you please stop invading my mind and
terrorising my brain cells and neurons and senses and
making me lose my focus while doing the most random things?

Breatheout

maybe if i wrote this down this will make more sense

maybe if i saw it in words it'll be easier to clear my head
maybe if i mouthed out my words the feelings would stop when i do

Breathein

Scribble.

I don't understand this.

I can't understand this.

I can't understand this.

you're not welcome here.