121: good night, bad knight

not the first time i've fallen
but my final time trying
my lungs have been swelling
from all the deep diving
into your bottomless eyes
that i've been drowning in before
and your remorseless sighs
impatience i somehow adored

i've slammed all doors: front, back, trap, closet
done and dusted, once and for all, closed it
after all the leeways given, i'm now signing out
by the thought of two and half years of your pout
that you're with me, a gasbag with all its air out

what the hell are you on
and what you going on about
that the only things you doubt
is your emotional blackout
and the lies i've sniffed out?

lying down, lying back,
doesn't matter how you're reclining
you need a spine to decline
from the truth you're denying
i feel for the next person listening
to the things you'll be recycling
if they're buying what you're selling
the 'tortured soul' you're advertising

the bubble will burst for them too,
unfortunately for you;
there's no way you'll last long
you're no knight in shining armor
you imagined yourself as all along.

z
2016-11-30

120: Testing 1, 2, 3

Yay or nay?
Together or away?
Temporary or stay?

Because
Time keeps ticking
Sighs keep building
Heads keep turning
Hearts keep cracking
but you
in your own expansive expensive expressive world
You exist persist resist at your own pace with a nonchalant face in your suspended space
Where people need to climb into your head in order to earn the ability to breathe your atmosphere and
Where people need to follow the wobbly tracks of your train of thoughts that may or may not lead to somewhere and

You think you can twist and move around the limbs of people you hold dear to you
Put voices into your subjects
As you become the puppetmaster as well as the audience
For your own amusement
At our pitiful expense

This however simply won't do.

I will snip the strings you have tied to my hands and legs
I will close my ears and heart from believing the uncertain untruths resonating from your vocal chords
I will bleach away your smiles and laughs and the times you made me do both

Because all i am is another test subject of a potential F+ experiment
And i have too much to lose
And i have a lot more to gain
And i will no longer want you to be by my side
I will no longer want you

This isn't about running away.

This is about knowing there's no more reason to stay.

And that's okay.



2016-09-27

posted from Bloggeroid

119: last re-sort

#‎TheDirtyThirty‬ ‪#‎Day5‬

i never got into the world of witchcraft and wizardry.

i always have been, however,
indescribably and irresistibly interested in adaptations
of low fantasy based on real-life situations, and
real live actors utilising ideas from fiction.

to be somewhat more specific,
i was amused to find
that i was red and gold the other year
then black and yellow the other day.

it's hard to take in
when and why and how
i changed
from preppy-and-proud teacher’s pet,
to last-choice cherub in gym class;
from king of the pridelands
to a downgraded bear.

but when i tried
to dig up dirt
on the band of badgers,
i unearthed nothing.

that’s when i realised

that being fair
is better than being right,

that being tiny
does not mean we are powerless,

that being unpopular
never did make us insignificant,

and,
perhaps most importantly,
that this may be a sign

that i spend way too much time
on these damn personality tests.

~ 2016-04-05 4.45pm