i may seem
like a bottomless well of forgiveness,
but it's only because
the walls keep going up
with broken pieces of me
every time i fall
the water keeps rising
with tears emptied out of me,
in no time at all
153: Sleaze and Dank You!
3 decades old
and for every marriage and birth
i am reminded by obviously well-meaning people
that i am still behind;
that my value is depleting
with my sagging skin
with the layers of my chin
with the lines around my grin
with my shape being far from thin
as my breasts reach my shin
as my wrinkles keep on growing
and endless other things
i should apparently be fussing about.
after all,
travelling solo
and buying your own car
and living in foreign lands
and collecting awards and degrees
and having contacts all over the world
and working your ass of to pay off your loans
and struggling against all kinds of inner demons
and still breathing somehow
are not achievements for women to be proud about
when nobody wants you.
(haven't you heard, doll?
the age of your womb matters more
than the maturity of your brain.)
some friends say they miss their innocence when they were younger
but i am thankful of my decreasing ignorance
as i acquire firsthand pains and secondhand lessons
while bearing witness to my messups and glowups
that no one else had the privillege to observe,
and yet, i am still told
that my eyes are too cold;
that my 'resting bitch face' will only scare people away
but isn’t it an oxymoron?
because bitches are babes in total control of herself
and you can't be you're in charge if you're 'resting'
but at the end of the day, let's be real:
being unfazed while returning men's gaze isn't just a phase
it's a stance and a form of resistance
because masculinity is so damn fragile
so stop telling me to fucking smile.
2018-12-03 8.49pm
and for every marriage and birth
i am reminded by obviously well-meaning people
that i am still behind;
that my value is depleting
with my sagging skin
with the layers of my chin
with the lines around my grin
with my shape being far from thin
as my breasts reach my shin
as my wrinkles keep on growing
and endless other things
i should apparently be fussing about.
after all,
travelling solo
and buying your own car
and living in foreign lands
and collecting awards and degrees
and having contacts all over the world
and working your ass of to pay off your loans
and struggling against all kinds of inner demons
and still breathing somehow
are not achievements for women to be proud about
when nobody wants you.
(haven't you heard, doll?
the age of your womb matters more
than the maturity of your brain.)
some friends say they miss their innocence when they were younger
but i am thankful of my decreasing ignorance
as i acquire firsthand pains and secondhand lessons
while bearing witness to my messups and glowups
that no one else had the privillege to observe,
and yet, i am still told
that my eyes are too cold;
that my 'resting bitch face' will only scare people away
but isn’t it an oxymoron?
because bitches are babes in total control of herself
and you can't be you're in charge if you're 'resting'
but at the end of the day, let's be real:
being unfazed while returning men's gaze isn't just a phase
it's a stance and a form of resistance
because masculinity is so damn fragile
so stop telling me to fucking smile.
2018-12-03 8.49pm
152: thoughts and players
1.
my thirsty lips
brushing against
your lazy smile,
2.
whispering sweet nothings
while running the tip of my tongue
along the ridge of your ears,
slowly nibbling each lobe
as you silently beg
for more,
3.
your sweetsalty skin
and heavy scent
as i leave a trail
of sloppy kisses
down the side
of your neck,
4.
your collarbones
grazed
red
moist,
5.
drawing circles
on your chest
and blowing on each peak
as you quiver under me
ever so slightly,
6.
my hands
twirling your curls
cupping your cheeks
squeezing your shoulders
holding you
down,
7.
your heartbeats
and the constant cycles of
sighs and gasps
as we dip in and out
of blissful insanity,
8.
breathing you in
and kissing your temples
as your trembling pillars stabilise
leaving my throbbing altar
witness my spiritual supplication
through closed eyes
and needy moans,
9.
watching you
rise and fall
as you drift off into another world
leaving me
for the nth time
undone,
10.
knowing
that i can finally breathe easy
now that you
are no longer
in my prayers.
2019-04-12 5.38pm
my thirsty lips
brushing against
your lazy smile,
2.
whispering sweet nothings
while running the tip of my tongue
along the ridge of your ears,
slowly nibbling each lobe
as you silently beg
for more,
3.
your sweetsalty skin
and heavy scent
as i leave a trail
of sloppy kisses
down the side
of your neck,
4.
your collarbones
grazed
red
moist,
5.
drawing circles
on your chest
and blowing on each peak
as you quiver under me
ever so slightly,
6.
my hands
twirling your curls
cupping your cheeks
squeezing your shoulders
holding you
down,
7.
your heartbeats
and the constant cycles of
sighs and gasps
as we dip in and out
of blissful insanity,
8.
breathing you in
and kissing your temples
as your trembling pillars stabilise
leaving my throbbing altar
witness my spiritual supplication
through closed eyes
and needy moans,
9.
watching you
rise and fall
as you drift off into another world
leaving me
for the nth time
undone,
10.
knowing
that i can finally breathe easy
now that you
are no longer
in my prayers.
2019-04-12 5.38pm
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