73: of the prerequisites of being alive

today
i was told
to stop worrying
and to start living.

that couldn't possibly be right.

only the living
are capable of worrying,

right?

72: staged magician

i am no magician
but i am expected
to perform miracles
to pull out tricks
to weave up illusions
to create wonders
to patch up
broken dreams
broken hearts
broken spirits
from broken families,
to open their minds
and to open their eyes,
to close open wounds
and to hold them close.

and i do this
and i love to do this
and i love them,
but
i am no magician.

i am a servant
held onto by a string
so well woven you cannot see it
so mercilessly maneuvered that you cannot believe it;
and
no matter how much i would like to reach out

no matter

because
my neck
my hands
my feet
my tongue
my joints
are shackled
by these invisible chains
i have naively helped myself to.

and
each tug into place
is a pacifier,
a reminder
that
i am at the mercy
of the powers that be.

and if it wasn't for
the chance to make
my audience smile,
and if it wasn't for
the possibility of making
my family cry,
i would have
broken myself free from the locks
keeping me submerged in this tank.

but
this is beyond me.

so i continue
gasping for strength
and hoping for air,

because
at the end of the day,
i am no magician.
i am only a puppet,
and
i am here
to amuse
and
be abused.

Many things happened, so this happened. Final edit 24/1/13 8.20pm

i am no magician
but i am expected
to perform miracles
to pull out tricks
to weave up illusions
to create wonders
to patch up
broken dreams
broken hearts
broken spirits
from broken families,
to open their minds
and to open their eyes,
to close open wounds
and to hold them close.

and i do this
and i love to do this
and i love them
but
i am no magician.

i am a servant
held onto by a string
so well woven you cannot see it
so mercilessly maneuvered that you cannot believe it;
and
no matter how much i would like to reach out

no matter

because
my neck
my hands
my feet
my tongue
my knees
my joints
are
shackled
by these invisible chains
i have naively helped myself to.

and
each tug into place
is a pacifier,
a reminder
that
i am at the mercy of my master.

and if it wasn't for
the chance to make
my audience smile,

and if it wasn't for
the possibility of making
my family cry,

i would have
broken myself free from the locks
keeping me submerged in this tank.

i have no choice but
to continue gasping for air
for everyone's sake

because

i am no magician.
i am only a puppet,
and

i am here
to amuse

and

be abused.

71: boiling point

It's not fair that you
allow your eyes to wander, while
I simmer inside

It's not fair when you
let your eyes wander; it makes
me simmer inside.

Nov 3rd 11.52am