111: time seals all wounds

i cut myself again today
but,
y'know,
it wasn't on purpose.

yes, i suppose did cut myself again today and
no, i did not do it on purpose -- that's preposterous!

i think it must've been
the fumbling with
the sharp knife
 -- too big
my soapy hands
 -- too clumsy
the soft fruit
 -- too slippery
my scattered mind
 -- too absent.

i guess you could say it was just
"an accident waiting to happen"
as i've been informed time and time again;
almost inevitable
far from unpredictable
considering
my track record
of kissing away wounds from scars
or concealing scars from wounds
(it's always a bit of a
blur/stretch/wonder
which comes first)

but really, it's nothing to shout about.
because even though it stings
the bleeding will stop.

it'll heal.
it will.
i always does.
at least on the outside.

so,
y'know,
relax.

110: appallogetic

how on earth can you not remember somethIng so IMPORTANT?
i'm sorry, should i make this more INTERESTING for you?
you meAn you didn't UNDERSTAND me the first time?
why are you making so many CARELESS Mistakes?
why didn't you write down another REMINDER?
why can't you just Start paying ATTENTION?
you know yOu're just giving EXCUSES right?
i just TOLD you - weren't you listening?
what do you mean you LOST it again?
isn't it yOur FAULT for not focussing?
did that slip youR MIND as well?
is my CLASS too dull foR you?
do i bore You THAT much?

all ways
always
i tie together
assumptions
interrogations
disappointments
with an infinite string of
vincible but not invisible apology,
for
forever 
for ever 
being at the edge
of my
tongue
memory
potential
be-
cause
ijustdon'tmeantobeso

d i s t r a c t e d

---

scrapped:

how on earth can you not remember somethIng so IMPORTANT?
i'm sorry, should i make this more INTERESTING for you?
you meAn you didn't UNDERSTAND me the first time?
why are you making so many CARELESS Mistakes?
why didn't you write down another REMINDER?
why can't you just Start paying ATTENTION?
you know yOu're just giving EXCUSES right?
i just TOLD you - weren't you listening?
what do you mean you LOST it again?
isn't it yOur FAULT for not focussing?
did that slip youR MIND as well?
is my CLASS too dull foR you?
do i bore You THAT much?

from girl to grownup
from aloof to abnormal
from insensible to insensitive
from eccentric to exasperating
i tie together
assumptions
interrogations
disappointments
with an infinite string of
vincible but not invisible apology,
for
forever 
for ever 
being at the edge
of my
tongue
memory
potential
all ways
always
be-
cause
ijustdon'tmeantobeso
d i s t r a c t e d

---

scrapped:

how could you not remember somethIng so IMPORTANT?
i'm sorry, should i make this more INTERESTING for you?
you meAn you didn't UNDERSTAND me the first time?
why are you making so many CARELESS Mistakes?
why didn't you write down another REMINDER?
why can't you just Start paying ATTENTION?
you know yOu're just giving EXCUSES right?
i just TOLD you - weren't you listening?
what do you mean you LOST it again?
isn't it yOur FAULT for not focussing?
did that slip youR MIND as well?
is my CLASS too dull foR you?
do i bore You THAT much?

from girl to grownup
from aloof to abnormal
from eccentric to exasperating
i tie strings of
accusations
assumptions
disappointments
with an infinite thread of
invicible but not invisible apology
forever at the edge
of my
tongue
mind
heart
all ways
allways
always
because
i
re al ly
do n 't mea n
to b e
so
d i str act e d