94: Time capsule

she stares back at me,
dismayed,
disappointed.

i fidget.

she calls out to me.

i try to ignore
i try to block her out -- 

Look at me.

i stay silent

Look at me while I'm fucking talking to you.

i stop.

Turn. Around. Now.

i look away

No, you may not look elsewhere -- look at me. 

i start to stand.

No, you may not leave -- sit down.

i open my mouth

No, you may not reply -- be quiet and just listen, dammit.

i stare

For once, listen to yourself.

i shut down.

Just what the hell do you think you're doing 
Putting yourself on display 
With your adoring eyes
And your silly sighs
And your swollen heart 
On your bloodstained sleeves?

i close my eyes

As if you'd learnt 
Absolutely nothing 
From the past

i stop.
"nothing."

Nothing.

the word echoes in my mind
as she tells me again and again and again
like a broken record

All the world is a stage
and people are mere actors
with convoluted intentions 
and they don't always act their parts
the way you hope they would
and they don't always say their lines
the way they probably should

so okay,
i'll listen once again
to the image staring right back at me
one more time.

because
at the end of the day
with or without my reflection
i am
Nothing