147: full circle

i keep dipping in and out of circles;
running in one spot and then to another
everoverworrying that it's never gonna be my place
to say or do or think or feel the way i do
and it always leads me back
to me wondering if
i'll ever




          f    i    n   d



                      my         

place
 
                                                         in

                                                                        the
                                                                       
                                                           

                            world

61: Some and Others (draft)

when reality seems too hard to take
and fantasy is too easy to make,
there are plenty of ways
to run away:

some stick needles in their flesh,
some need their fix of toxic gases,
some just want to be left alone,
some won't stop swiping for dresses,

some stuff their faces like there's no tomorrow
some simply drink to forget
some like scarring their birthday suit
some live only for their pets

some treat roads as if then own them
some just never stop crying
some beat up others to feel better
some just cannot stop lying

some hang onto people they hate
some just cannot commit
some are in their own little world
some always need another hit

some keep trying to take their own lives
some are afraid to leave their room
some suddenly stop talking completely
some keep preparing for the ultimate doom

some start talking with inanimate things
some keep staring into space
some sniff powdered flakes
some keep failing to find a place
to call their own.

because if where we belong is where our heart is,
then some of us just don't feel like we have a home.

but others keep fighting on,
and many continue to pray
for better days and for better pays,
for sincere 'okays' and heartfelt 'heys';
because there's no reason not to, they say,
cuz things will inevitably go your way
if you chin up and keep your frown at bay;
you'll see the light too, someday.

2012-12-12 3.46am



if where we belong is where our heart is,
then some of us don't really have a home.

but

there are those who fight on anyway
and many others continue to pray:
for better days,
for better pays,
to have winters less grey,
to work less, more play.

there's no reason, they say,
to throw your life away;
things will inevitably go your way.
everything will be okay
if you chin up and keep your frown at bay,
you'll see the light too, someday.

59: run away

i feel bad

not because
i
had

reciprocated

mistreated
laughed

smiled

cried.

i feel bad

because
i

fear
being
dispensable
dismissable
disposable.

i feel bad

because

i
would

rather

disappear

than 

confront.

this is how i preserve myself.
this is how i save my heart.
this is how weak i am.

and this is why

i 

always 

flee.