50: hard to heart talk

the words
stuttering out
of this vessel containing every cell of my being
are jumbled, just like
how they are in my head
(scrambled),
as i absentmindedly twirl my fingers
around the tassels of my scarf,
my subconscious obviously trying to untangle
the knots
in my covered hair
and in my guarded heart.

these thoughts
have caused me to be
in shambles. i feel enshackled, so i must
apologise in advance if i bore you to death -- i might just
ramble on about all these things
that i was too afraid to say before;
i need to be cautious,
i remind myself:
the things i say can never ever be unsaid.
but to unfeel the things i have felt
is just as hard to stomach.

and so i have decided
that i have no other choice
but to mouth out what has ruffled my feathers
(not just off-late) --
so that you would understand me better.

do you, now?
or will i forever misunderstand
and forever be misunderstood?

48: reaching mars

finalised:

in this vast space of lights and blackholes galore
i'm an estranged loner, nothing more than a bore
because to call me a venus just doesn't quite cut it,
i'm more a pluto, of quite a different composite:

i'm foreign, icy and physically out of reach,
a pretty unspectacular rock, but i do beseech
you to walk in my shoes, see things where i stand;
although i know it's not easy to comprehend
as you're much closer to our point of energy
while i'm just out here searching for synergy
of prospective beings, and the keyword is hoping --
of prospective beings (in the end i'm just hoping
-- most of the time it's my only way of coping).

yet even if i'm out here, all distant and far
doesn't mean i'm blind, i can still see the star,
like a fiery top twirling in an ebony sea
of obscure orbits -- we're just Not meant to be.

last updated: 2016-02-01 8.58pm
last updated: 13/11/12 12.33am

-----
somehow being a venus just doesn't quite cut it,
i'm more a pluto, of quite a different composite.

i'm foreign, icy and physically out of reach,
a pretty unspectacular rock, but i do beseech
you to walk in my shoes, see things from where i stand;
although i know it's not easy to comprehend
as you're much closer to our flaming source of energy
while i'm just hanging around here hoping for synergy
of the future generation (and the keyword is hoping --
honestly, most of the time it's my only way of coping)
but in this dimension with lights and blackholes galore,
i am but an estranged loner, nothing but a bore.

but even if i'm out here, all distant and far
doesn't mean i'm blind, i can still see the star,
spinning like a fiery top without falling to one side,
making our orbits eternal... we will never collide.

i admit, i'm still clueless of where this will all lead
but what i know for sure is that all dwarfs still bleed.




29/10/12 6.59pm

===

revised?


somehow being a venus just doesn't quite cut it,
i'm more a pluto, of quite a different composite.

i'm foreign, icy and physically out of reach,
pretty much an unspectacular rock, but i do beseech
you to try seeing things from where i stand;
although i know it's not easy to comprehend
as you're closer to our flaming source of energy
while i'm just hanging around here hoping for synergy
of the future generation (and the keyword is hoping --
honestly, most of the time it's my only way of coping)
but in this space, with lights and blackholes galore,
an estranged object as i couldn't be more of a bore.


i admit, i'm still clueless of where this will all lead
but what i know for sure is that all dwarfs still bleed.


but even if i'm out here, all distant and far
doesn't mean i'm blind, i can still see the star,

glaring bright in the centre of our space,
but will this be my resting place?


to top it off, our sun spins on, not falling to one side,
making our orbits eternal... we will never collide.

29/10/12 6.59pm