77: [hiatus]

so here's where i'll address
on what i've been called to assess:
my need to dress to impress,
to be the symbol of success.

but i'm not 'blessed'
with the tendency to stress
like most other lasses
about the look of my tress.

'cuz to worry myself senseless
with things that shouldn't depress
such as what clothes one has
is just insane and pointless.

76: On marriage

'been told

by too many people

on too many ocassions

with too many suggestions

and too many concerned faces

that it's such a sad thing,

being unmarried at my age,

at this day and age.

i was reminded of this again today

by a kid

barely seventeen

on his report card day

with the word 'troublemaker'

stamped right on his forehead,

and he said

and i quote

"you should get married. it's so... best."

he said it like he's been married once

or more.

so i cocked an eyebrow

and asked,

"how would you know?

what makes you so sure?"

he smiled and repeated his line.

his friend disagreed.

i disagreed.

and then it dawned on me

that all of our opinions don't matter.

all of us have just been observers

or pre-determined or unwilling participants

no first-hand experience.

just piggybacking on what other people went through.

so what do we know?

75: If I had known

if i had known
what i know today
about what i do
day to day,
i might have told myself
to move along, stay away;
this is going to be much harder
than what they say
because once you're in
you can't sway --
you don't have a choice,
you need to go all the way.
just hit the ground running
no shortcuts, come what may
just keep on tumbling
do more work than play.

but c'est la vie --
now i only pray
that i do this well
not just for the pay;
be a ladder, rope or boat
to save those at bay
or a beacon of hope
for those who might stray.

and if this is my calling
would i then stay?
i guess i won't know
but i hope i'll be okay
knowing that although
i'm a sinner, someday
i could fulfill my purpose
as a vessel made of clay.