161: carb and get me

i say woe is me
as i swallow my sorrows with mouthfuls of waffles,
sweet ice cream melting on my swelling tongue,
blank tears flowing downstream
— all attempts to save me from the gallows of my mind,
but it seems like a dream
that i can be both numb yet very much alive
in this tragedy i never asked to play in.

breathe, pause.

this is not a cry for help but rather
an acknowledgment:
this deja vu must mean that i have survived this before,
so every time i slip into the depths of infinite void,
i should be able to drown my existential doubts
and keep myself afloat
with these little lifeboats i can afford,
using whatever spoons
i have left on to keep me going,...

right?

pause.



20190627 8.16pm

160: fakeup

blurring the shadows from the past sleepless nights
lining soul’s windows with the cattiest of sights
flicking off the ends, 'few times for good measure
to last all through the day in pain or with pleasure
plucking the follicles that have grown astray
filling in the gaps left behind by d.n.a.
staining the pale from being pursed for too long
plumping them with shades they keep on saying are wrong
powdering the rest, especially the spots
gathering the loose strands and untangling the knots
staring at the reflection, wonder with dread:
am i seeking attention by looking less 'dead'?


2019-03-27 2.10pm

159: soft

please
let me sip on your existence.
i never liked sugary treats, yet i am dying
to savor your natural sweetness on my tongue,
feel your effervescence inside me.

please
this heat is making me drowsy,
and i am parched.

2019-02-27 10.25am