176: sweater weather

today,

we collectively hold our breaths as

covert agents continue to take hostage 

of millions in its path like there's no tomorrow

amidst all the rage against iron fists that

ignore the pleas of those in the front lines and

the plights of those they are supposed to protect,

as systems break down and dreams fall apart,

my apocalyptic anxiety is offset

by drizzle

tickling my soul as i face

the blue sky that keeps getting darker

as the world continues to crash and burn

and nothing makes much sense,

i wish i had

a soul connection

- 20201005

51: who i really am

from the depths of my soul,

at the bottom of my heart,

inside the core of my mind,

underneath it all, 

i am

afraid of being alone
of being left alone
of being left behind
of being left undone;

afraid of being apart
of being broken apart
of being broken inside
of being broken hearted;

afraid of being unloved
of being eventually unloved
of being eventually ignored
of being eventually forgotten;

afraid of being disappointed
of being predictably disappointed
of being predictably disappointing
of being predictably unneeded.

these 'irrational' fears                    

guide me

          restrict me

                    control me

                              force me

                              to

do the things i do 

think the way i think 

feel the crap i feel.

from the depths of my soul,
           at the bottom of my heart,          

inside the core of my mind, 

          underneath it all,                        

i am

Sca(r)red