68: like them

why must i
respect people who could straight up lie
worry what everyone thinks until i want to cry
be forced to be a busybody when i hate to pry
work like an adult but be treated like a child
wear what they wear because it's in style
pretend i'm a tree, powerless and docile
listen to views that are far from fertile
have expensive taste and be in denial?

why must i
be sly
without making a sigh
and without feeling vile?

and why must i
do all this to beguile
and without asking why
like them?

62: All about the dosh

money can buy you a wholesome feast
but not an appetite

money can pay for your under the table degree
but not an ounce of respect


money can get you something to warm your bed
but not to warm your heart


money can afford you flashy cars at the speed of light
but not satisfy the need for speed

money can score people who will blindly take your side
but not true loyalty

money can win over unquestioning voters
but not unquestionable critics

money can land you a lot of luxuries in life
but not a sense of security

money can make your world go round,
but not everyone's.

not everyone's.

42: damaged

why?

why are you in such a state?
why are you in so much pain?
why are you so... damaged?

what have you done to yourself?
what has society done to make you this way?
what have we all done to cause us to be like this?

i'm really curious to know why you are the way you are
and i'm also scared to know what you might answer.

36: eid in my family

we don't have eid the way other families do

we don't wear matching colors
we don't balik kampung at our parents' hometowns
we don't sing (or even know) that many raya songs
we don't make our own lemang, ketupat or kuih raya
we don't even play bunga api or mercun anymore.

but
we do have okay clothes for eid
we do look forward to an un-busy KL
we do love catching up with relatives and friends
we do make our own rendangs (and order everything else)
we do still clear up the 'abodes' of those who are no longer with us.

yeah, we don't have eid the way other families do.
but it's okay. we're okay.

27: Unsound (Public Transport People #2)

i can't remember how it started, but

the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she didn't know when to get off.
she was simply told
to get on at kl sentral,
then get off at senawang.

it was her first time on a komuter.

white-haired, deaf, and illiterate,
she only had a bag of clothes
and a torn paper with a scribbled number
without a phone to call it with.

it was her first time on a komuter.

as her petite frame shrinked further into her seat
and her tired, weary eyes repeatedly searched the carriage
perhaps for a familiar face,
perhaps for some kind of miracle,
in the end, the only thing she could do
was wait until she stops at a train station

that she couldn't even read the name of.


last updated: 2016-01-31 7.10pm

---


everytime i think of this old lady, my heart breaks.

---


as i boarded the ktm
the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she wasn't sure where to stop.
she was simply told to
get on at kl sentral, and
get off at senawang,
on a komuter train -- her first time in her life -- without anyone to accompany her.

it seems incomprehensible to me that
she can't hear or say much
(she's quite deaf, you see),
and she can't read much,
(she's quite illiterate, you see),
and she doesn't have a phone
(because let's be realistic here -- it's not like she can hear or talk or read anything on a phone),

and yet here she is,
this teary-eyed white-haired woman in her 70's,
sitting in a moving train she has never been on,
not knowing how to read a route map
(or even how to tell the time),
and frightened and alone and overwhelmed that
she is a deaf and illiterate woman in her 70's
without a definite means to say "I'm here!" to,
and the only thing she could do
was wait for someone to get her when she stops at a station

that she can't even read the name of.

=============

i can't remember how it started, but

the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she wasn't sure where to stop.
she was simply told
(by the son and daughter) to
get on at kl sentral, and
get off at senawang,
on a ktm komuter -- for her first time in her life -- without anyone to accompany her.

it seems incomprehensible to me that
she can't hear or say much
(she's quite deaf, you see),
and she can't read much
(she's quite illiterate, you see),
and she doesn't have a phone
(because COME ON -- it's not like she can hear or talk or read anything on a phone),

and yet here she is,
this teary-eyed white-haired woman in her 70's,
sitting in a moving train she has never been on,
not knowing how to read a route map
(or where 'senawang' even is)
and frightened and alone and overwhelmed because
she is a deaf and illiterate woman in her 70's
who could only wait for someone to get her when she stops at a station

that she can't even read the name of.


8.24pm

---

i can't remember how it started, but

the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she wasn't sure where to stop.
she was simply told
(by her son and daughter) to
get on at kl sentral, and
get off at senawang,
on a ktm komuter -- for the first time in her life -- without anyone to assist her.

it seems incomprehensible to me that
she can't hear or say much
(she's quite deaf, you see),
and she can't read much
(she's quite illiterate, you see),
and she doesn't have a phone
(because LET'S BE REALISTIC -- it's not like she can hear or talk or read anything on a phone),

and yet here she is,
this teary-eyed white-haired woman in her 70's,
sitting in a moving train she has never been on,
without a clue of how to read a route map, and

without any way of saying (to whoever is picking her up) "I'm here!".


sitting next to strangers
who can barely understand her, and
trying to hold back feelings of sadness, fear,
loneliness and how overwhelmed she was
as a deaf and illiterate woman in her 70's
sitting in a moving train with no familiar faces around her
and the only she could do,
was wait for someone to get her when she stops at a train station

that she can't even read the name of.

---


i can't remember how it started, but

the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she wasn't sure where to stop.
she was simply told
(by her son and daughter) to
get on at kl sentral, then
get off at senawang
on a ktm komuter (for the first time in her life -- and without any assistance).

it seems incomprehensible to me that
she can't hear or say much
(she's quite deaf, you see),
and she can't read much
(she's quite illiterate, you see),
and she doesn't have a phone
(because LET'S BE REALISTIC -- it's not like she can hear or talk or read anything on a phone),
and yet here she is, this
white-haired woman in her 70's,
sitting in a vehicle she has never been on,
without a clue of how to read a route map, and
without any way of saying (to whoever was going to pick her up) "I'm here!".

sitting next to those who can
barely understand what she utters,
her watery eyes, reflecting
her fear of uncertainty and abandonment,
look around at the unfamiliar faces
with hope but in vain
because the only thing she could do
was wait for someone to get her when she stops at a train station

that she can't even read the name of.

---

22: It's a Girl/Thing

Silly thing,

Girls can't climb trees
or play with ladybugs
or chase chickens
or arm-wrestle!

Girls must cook things
and do house chores
and be pretty
and just listen!

Silly thing.

12.11am

21: What I was told

ever since i could remember,
i was constantly told that i was
a bit too dark and my body was
a bit too fat and my hair was
a bit too curly and my feet were
a bit too crooked and my voice was
a bit too loud and my smile was
a bit too wide and my demeanor was
a bit too unfeminine and my pronunciations were
a bit too gobbled up and that
nobody
will marry me unless i changed.

bless your hearts
for warning me of how my life will always revolve around the idea of how marriage-material i am,
and
please excuse my insolence in questioning your authority and wisdom
but
i'm a bit Confused:

if i change, there is a chance someone might like me,
but
if i change, is there a chance i will like myself?

11.33pm

19: Le Delabelling De La Belle

I once read a play
with characters real queer.
One of them couldn't stand labels,
she wishes they would all disappear.

She hates seeing labels so much that
she always peeled them off;
while I was learning this in Lit class
I couldn't help but laugh.

But then I stopped
when I realised something amiss,
because ever since I was a tot,
ridding labels gave me such bliss.

Labels don't bother me as much now,
and I wonder why this is so;
is it because I'm tired of unlabelling things,
and learnt to just accept status quo?

17 : From Fowl to Foul

The whole place was packed and the atmosphere was tense;
the patrons frowned, at the limits of their patience.

Then someone heard something not exactly soothing to the ear
(the kitchen helper probably thought that others couldn't hear).

"There's not enough fowl!" they reported, and oh how they scowled.
There were some who even snapped -- words and actions turned foul!

The fact of the matter is, there was no need for such heat,
the only thing needing fire should have just been the meat.

Thus, among the lessons we can learn is patience is a virtue,
and if you don't act rationally... you'll be easy to sue ;)

---

This poem is pretty much about a certain issue that just happened in Malaysia last week. It's quite a hard topic I hafta admit, but I hope it turned out ok. :P

Credits to Irin Y. for suggesting the topic! ^_^

16 : The Newlyweds

Two faces glow as
their loved ones raise glasses in
unison -- "Yaaaaaaaaaaam seng!"

~

Just came back from an interesting wedding reception. I attended because the groom is my neighbor, and he's a Chindian lad who found love in Australia. He married a Chinese Aussie lass. They both looked dashing,and the bride was just so radiant. She changed into 3 dresses, and they were all pretty ^_^

Aside from the champagne fountain after the cake-cutting ceremony, a few other things made me smile: the kiss that the groom gave the bride (while carrying her 'princess style'... bcuz his friend impromptu-dared him to do it lol :P), and chanting "Yaaaaaaaaaaaam seng!" (Chinese "Cheers" equivalent) really loudly. The bridge and groom actually went from table to table to do this Yam seng thing and thanked ppl for coming. Although I'm not truly into Chinese cuisine  (a lot of seafood dishes tonight, probably because there was a mix of guests -- Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists...), I thought the reception was quite well. I really liked the dessert at the end, some kind of honeydew-ish soupy thing, and lotus pancake or sthg like that. Yumm!

An interesting experience, today was :)

7: Tom Yam for the soul

The tom yam was hot
when the clouds started to cry;
Makes me warm inside

Translation

Tom yam yang pedas/panas

apabila awan menangis;

Menghilangkan rasa dingin

----

I made Tom Yam campur (mixed) for dinner today, and had it while was raining outside. Cold weather+hot/spicy food = perfect combo.


Anyway, of all the haikus I've posted here so far, I think this one is possibly the hardest to translate, because feeling warm is generally a good thing in English, but not exactly in Malay... possibly due to the fact that Malays typically come from tropical countries and so feeling hot/warm isn't a thing to really thrive for. 'Warmth' would thus probably bring to mind sweatiness, rather than comfy, fluffy thoughts. Thus in the translation I actually used 'feeling less cold', which has a somewhat equal effect to 'makes me warm'.

Also, in Malay, the English word 'hot' can be translated into 2 ways: to mean high temperature, people use 'panas', while hotness from spices like chilli is called 'pedas'. For the original haiku, I meant to use both meanings for the single word 'hot', but as I said, the translation didn't come through perfectly. I apologise :)

Random language lessons ftw :P