kau bangga
lepas kau pecahkan siling kaca
berdiri tegak di mercu kejayaan
kau bahagia
lupa yang kau pijak segala tulang belakang yang rapuh bawah
yang kau ratah lapah darah daging, isi tinggalkan kuku
kau bahaya
20250130 1458
184: can nibble
183: devil's playground
your persistent open burning
sparked by pandemic loneliness
fueled by anxiety and idle hands
is starting to destroy my sanctuary.
your smoky taste of trauma bonds
this smell of ashy codependency
is starting to suffocate me.
i don't need another gaslight.
- devil's playground
2021-05-04, 6.24pm
🔥182: panic at the tesco
dissociating while doing groceries in a time of a pandemic is a whole different ballgame; a list in my shaking hand is no match for a brain that refuses to consistently process letters and numbers, so i walk in circles around aisles, lost among frozen foods and leafy veg i cannot recognise whatmore choose, my mind preoccupied with why we do things like cook or eat or shower or work or plan or dream when at the end of the day we're all sentenced to die with different expiration dates.
as i force myself to have faith that all this isn't just capitalistic chaos,
i am reminded that everything happens for a reason
god knows best, they say
so i stay
looking at my reflection wondering
whose eyes i am staring into.
10 april 2020
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