42: damaged

why?

why are you in such a state?
why are you in so much pain?
why are you so... damaged?

what have you done to yourself?
what has society done to make you this way?
what have we all done to cause us to be like this?

i'm really curious to know why you are the way you are
and i'm also scared to know what you might answer.

41: oh no

"oh no --
i think you're mistaken, sir.
i think you've got the wrong person;
i know i'm not who you think i am,
i know i'm not who you're looking for."

i want to say all this and
i want to say it nicely, but
i don't know when and
i don't know how to make this less awkward.

oh, no --
i am not a heartbreaker,
i am just a tragic romantic.

40: Falling

you entreat me to dance,
and as affections, lust and romance
start to fill the air; right before that state of trance,

i sober up.

wait.
think.

do you truly like me, or
just the idea of not being lonely?

39: convoluted

CONVOLUTED
are your words,
reasons,
excuses,
thoughts,
promises,
emotions,
flirtations,
and your whole
past, present and future.

i know you are well aware of
(and that you are sadistically watching)
me being overwhelmed by all this,

but come closer; there's something for you i need to whisper:

the harder i try
to figure you out,
the harder it is for me
to believe what comes out of your mouth.

so goodbye.

38: fragile

hearts are such fragile things.

once broken, they're not easy to fix.
once shattered, they're not easy to pick.

sure, you can try to
glue the pieces back together,
tape the cracks to mend them better,
stitch the chunks to make them gather;
and if you succeed,
you should end up with a
(swollen, glued, taped and stitched up) heart
which
if you look closely,
real closely,
will still beat
albeit ever so slowly.

of course, that's if you can look past
the brown-stained glue, tape and stitches and
the crimson droplets slowly oozing out
of the gaps between them.

hearts are such fragile things, after all.
so won't you handle them with care?

37: bloody vengeance

let's just move on and pretend
that everything that happened didn't happen,
because i do not fully understand
(and you can't possibly comprehend)
why these old scars have reopened,
but they hurt like fucking vengeance.