23: Sober

when i was 5,
i wanted to be an artist:
i wanted to make beautiful things and figure out
the best way to color a shape
without going beyond the line.

when i was 10,
i wanted to be an astronomer:
i wanted to gaze at the stars in the sky and figure out
exactly
which constellations each of them belong to.

when i was 15,
i wanted to be an engineer:
i wanted to invent awesome things and figure out
how to fix anything
and everything.

when i was 20,
i wanted to be a teacher:
i wanted to inspire people to be better and figure out
ways to capture the attention
of students with different personalities, interests and learning abilities.

but now that i'm this close to being what i wanted to be,
i've learnt that i'm not supposed to
'figure things out'.

all i needed to do is simply say:

"saya yang menurut perintah".


11.54pm

22: It's a Girl/Thing

Silly thing,

Girls can't climb trees
or play with ladybugs
or chase chickens
or arm-wrestle!

Girls must cook things
and do house chores
and be pretty
and just listen!

Silly thing.

12.11am

21: What I was told

ever since i could remember,
i was constantly told that i was
a bit too dark and my body was
a bit too fat and my hair was
a bit too curly and my feet were
a bit too crooked and my voice was
a bit too loud and my smile was
a bit too wide and my demeanor was
a bit too unfeminine and my pronunciations were
a bit too gobbled up and that
nobody
will marry me unless i changed.

bless your hearts
for warning me of how my life will always revolve around the idea of how marriage-material i am,
and
please excuse my insolence in questioning your authority and wisdom
but
i'm a bit Confused:

if i change, there is a chance someone might like me,
but
if i change, is there a chance i will like myself?

11.33pm