185: drowning

i keep getting tangled in deadlines, and then find myself lost in mazes of miswired neurons

i keep trying to unfeel the weight of the world, and then count all the ways i am a burden

i keep trying to stay afloat,
but this heart is too heavy

i don't have time
for this 

20220204 01:23

173: heart

heavy and heaving,
overpouring my emotions
overpowering my motions
in a flash, flooding me with tears
crashing into me in waves as you
join forces with gravity
to typhoon up storms
and whirl up currents
inside me to
drag
me
down

tell me heart, why
do you keep letting me
drown?

161: carb and get me

i say woe is me
as i swallow my sorrows with mouthfuls of waffles,
sweet ice cream melting on my swelling tongue,
blank tears flowing downstream
— all attempts to save me from the gallows of my mind,
but it seems like a dream
that i can be both numb yet very much alive
in this tragedy i never asked to play in.

breathe, pause.

this is not a cry for help but rather
an acknowledgment:
this deja vu must mean that i have survived this before,
so every time i slip into the depths of infinite void,
i should be able to drown my existential doubts
and keep myself afloat
with these little lifeboats i can afford,
using whatever spoons
i have left on to keep me going,...

right?

pause.



20190627 8.16pm

145: water you weighting for

when you struggle to stay afloat
and reminding yourself to breath
makes no sense
as you suf
fo
cate on
thoughts of EVERYTHING
and feelings of n th ngn ss,
reach for your headphones
and r e l e a s e
the dammed music
you've been collecting
for over three decades.

let the soundwaves silence
the tsunamis tumbling within you
in full volume.


20170920 11.30am
- don't drown just yet.