143: nay-eve

From Time: https://www.instagram.com/p/BYPJNcSBT22/

Naïve is to think
watercannons and teargas
will quench their fire.



2017-08-26 9:34am

114: word of the day

listen up, class!

the word of the day
is
disappointment.

but no,
this is not something i'll teach you --
though it is something you will eventually learn --
because, after all,
we are but hopes and dreams
manifested
in otherwise lifeless vessels with muscles and

yes,
this is something i'll teach you:
that wants lead to confusion
from unpredicted actions
and expectations leads to reactions
that may be sanctions
or a fraction of deflection
from tension

you get an A
in this class
if you get what i say

you get a huh
in your head
if you get what i mean

---

listen up, class!

the word of the day
is
disappointment.

but no,
this is not something for you to learn --
though it is something you will, eventually --
because, after all,
all we are are hopes and dreams
manifested
in otherwise lifeless bodies
with vessels and muscles and .

no,
this is something i have learnt:
that wants lead to confusion
and expectations leads to reactions
from unexpected actions
that may be sanctions
or a fraction
of tension

you get an A
in this class
if you get what i say

you get a huh
in your head
if you get what i mean

78: Adieu Kate

kate said:

"at the end of the day,

all teachers look for are mistakes"

i was about to defend my profession

i was about to defend myself
but then i realised
that in our dualistic system of
black or white
loose or tight
wrong or right
we have lost sight

of kids like kate:

in the middle of the line

in the middle of the graph

in the middle of the spectrum
in the middle of everything

and yet nowhere to be found.

we stuff them into boxes

expecting them to still breathe

and then we wonder

why they choke when we ask them to speak;

we make them give answers

based on prepared marking schemes
they can't think too far

-- can't give more than the examiner wanted;

we want them to be unique

yet shut them down when they are

and sweep under the carpet

their blood, sweat and tears like specks of dust

we tell them to listen listen listen

and then we talk talk talk talk talk
because only adults
can have opinions, right?

and then we complain

that kids like kate
become notorious rebels

or passionless zombies.

so when kate finishes school

i wonder if i can honestly say
"adieu, kate!"
as she faces the world beyond the school gate
because she will come to realise
that school didn't really prepare her for all that
but in some ways, it did
just not exactly like

what we had said.

---

kate said

"at the end of the day

all teachers look for

are mistakes"

i was about to defend my profession

i was about to defend myself

and then i realised

that she was not far from right.

because in our dualistic system of

black or white

loose or tight

wrong or right

we have lost sight

of kids like kate,

those who are

in the middle of the line

in the middle of the graph

in the middle of the spectrum

in the middle of everything

and yet nowhere to be found

and

we stuff them into boxes

expecting them to breathe

and then we wonder

why they choke when we ask them to speak;

we force them to answer

based on the scheme

not what they had discovered

-- hey, it's more than what the examiner wanted.

we want them to manage 

by themselves,

so we sweep under the carpet

their blood, sweat and tears like specks of dust

we give them rules to follow

which we ourselves

don't heed or understand

and then say 'tut tut' when they are confused

we tell them to listen listen listen

and then we talk talk talk talk talk

because only adults

can have opinions, right?

and then we complain

that kids like kate

become notorious

or lifeless beings.

so when kate finishes school

i wonder if i can honestly say

"adieu, kate!"

as she faces the world beyond the school gate

because she will come to realise

that school didn't really prepare her for all that

but in some ways, it did

just not exactly like

what we had said.

---

i was once a kate, and i hope i educate.

---

kate said

"at the end of the day

all teachers look for

are mistakes"

i was about to defend my profession

i was about to defend myself

and then i realised

that she was somewhat right.

because in our dualistic system of

black and white

loose or tight

wrong and right

we have lost sight

of kids like kate

they are those

who are somewhere

in the middle of the line

in the middle of the graph

in the middle of the spectrum

in the middle of nowhere

and

we stuff them into boxes

expecting them to breathe

and then we wonder

why they choke when we ask them to speak;

we force them to answer

according to the scheme

not what they had discovered

because it's more than what the examiner wanted.

we want them to manage 

by themselves,

and we sweep their problems 

under the carpet like silly specks useless dust

we give them rules to follow

which we ourselves

don't heed or understand

and then say 'tut tut' when they are confused

we tell them to listen listen listen

and then we talk talk talk talk talk

because only adults

can have opinions, right?

and then we complain

that kids like kate

become notorious

or zombies.

but

when kate finishes school

i wonder if i can honestly say

"adieu, kate!"

as she faces the world beyond the school gate

because she will come to realise

that school didn't really prepare her for all that

but in some ways, it did

just not exactly according to

what we had said.

---

i was once a kate

and i hope i educate.

69: School blues

rewind ten years back
around this time of the year
and you will find
a student in her teens, and

fast forward 10 years
back to this time of the year
and you will find
a teacher teaching teens, and


both are in denial
of the fact
that school starts
in
one
week.

55: pointblank

What is the point of
having both eyes open when
you choose to be blind?


What is the point of
having a heart and mind when
you keep them confined?

53: Disabled

Sure, she can't see, but

she can read, hear and feel words
from the Beloved.

We can't understand
God's words with our fingertips,
so who's handicapped?

inspired by a blind girl at a tafseer class i sometimes attend. she was sitting in front of me, and was intently listening to the ustaz explaining about the surah we were learning during the session while running her fingers around a seemingly blank page of a thick book. upon closer look, i realised it was a braille quran. 
i have been blessed with the gift of sight, and i can read quranic words anywhere if i wanted to; what's my excuse not to? :(

43; We are all experiments

Eureka!
I now have the solvent I've been waiting for,
the last element to support my hypothesis;
this mysterious concoction has now been dissolved!

Finally
I have found the key compound
which crystalises the fact that
you think of me as
Something
who can withstand your methods
who can be moulded as you wish
who will willingly trickle or ooze or solidify or crack or vaporise
as you determine the variables and set the standards,
as you manipulate the conditions,
as you dictate the process.

It's all crystal clear now, because
the pH of what you said is too low, and
the pH of what you mean is too high.

Since my own test has been proven positive, let's move on to yours:
I have identified a few assumptions of yours that need to be corrected.
(Although I am a mixture of things)
I am not your solution.
(Although I can be filled with substances)
I am not an apparatus.
(Although I do like to make people feel fulfilled)
I don't appreciate being part of a disposable experiment kit.

Objectively,
from one scientist to another:
better luck next time.


19/10/12 9am

"it doesn't matter", he says, "if we don't get to talk to each other that often".
since we are both busy.

33: The Neverending bundles of Joy

Once, I saw a colourful curse
gorgeously graffitied
on an otherwise unflattering floor.
The menacing message read:

"May you enjoy marking
our assessments
as much as we enjoyed
answering them".

Try dodging that, fellow teachers!

Happy Exam Season.

32: marking blues

the test papers
in my bag
are only half-done;
but i
really
really
don't feel like
marking right now.

lord help me.

23: Sober

when i was 5,
i wanted to be an artist:
i wanted to make beautiful things and figure out
the best way to color a shape
without going beyond the line.

when i was 10,
i wanted to be an astronomer:
i wanted to gaze at the stars in the sky and figure out
exactly
which constellations each of them belong to.

when i was 15,
i wanted to be an engineer:
i wanted to invent awesome things and figure out
how to fix anything
and everything.

when i was 20,
i wanted to be a teacher:
i wanted to inspire people to be better and figure out
ways to capture the attention
of students with different personalities, interests and learning abilities.

but now that i'm this close to being what i wanted to be,
i've learnt that i'm not supposed to
'figure things out'.

all i needed to do is simply say:

"saya yang menurut perintah".


11.54pm