84: tempo rally

This is the Future:

identified by = #

evaluated by = %

penalised by = $

and forced to face

an infinite input of facts and figures 

and insanity in the form of information overload

of truths and half-truths,

of white lies and whole lies,

with processors

swollen by nothing of importance,

with memories

numbed by nothing of relevance.

here are beings

disinterested

for having existed

in a world so filthy and twisted,

and be judged for crimes they had to inherit

and to right wrongs they did not commit --

This is the Future.

getting closer and closer

as loud as ever

but on mute.

This is the Future,

where the silent screams

are nothing

but

deafening.

82: bogus focus.

not too long ago,
i said to a fellow colleague
who had a degree in physics:

"i find it amazing
that we can send texts, e-mails, videos, bank payments, groceries, bouquets of flowers
without some form of land or physical connection --
all this data floating around in the air
being channelled along by waves
that we cannot see,
touch,
or hear...
but they're there,
and they reach where they need to reach, no matter the destination
and they do what they need to do, no matter the outcome.

it's like...

Magic."

and when i said the last word
i could've sworn
that she almost choked on her drink.

she then stifled out a laugh
and looked at me as if i just told her
that i wanted to fork out my eyes.
"that's not magic,
that's Physics!"

i couldn't help it.
i sighed,
"i know there are
scientific explanations and theories and concepts and whathaveyou
but it still doesn't change the fact that
it is amazing
how there's an infinity of invisible information
in insanely long strings of 0s and 1s
flowing above, around, under, through, between us
dutifully trying to achieve its mission
at the click of a button, at a tap of a screen, at a touch of key."

i couldn't help it.
i asked,
"does it not make you wonder,
how there are all these things we cannot see,
yet they do amazing things,
at lightning speed
and with wonderful results?
you need something,
whether it's a definition of a word, or a recipe for some dish you're craving for, or chatting to a long-distance friend, and voila --
you get it.
Magic.
at your fingertips."

she lifted an eyebrow.
"but that's not Magic,
that's Physics!"

and so i tried to 'compromise'
by saying that i meant it as more of a metaphor
(which she couldn't understand)
and then i said that i'll perhaps use the adjective 'magical'
(because that's what i had meant, anyway)
but she just became more confused...


and that's when i knew
it was not a battle worth fighting.


because it was then that i finally understood
that Magic
is not what you see (or don't see)
or what you hear (or don't hear)
or what you understand (or don't understand)

Magic is what's felt;
what we get
when we replace
adult-like rationality and knowledge to make us smart,
with child-like wonder and gratitude to make us happy.


---

not too long ago,
i told a fellow colleague
who had a degree in physics:

"i find it amazing
that we can send texts, e-mails, videos, bank payments, chocolates and bouquets of flowers
without wires 
sometimes by just using our
mobile devices;
all this data floating around in the air
being channelled by waves
that cannot be seen
touched
heard
felt
but they're there,
and it reaches where it needs to reach
and it does what it needs to do.
it's like...
magic."

she almost choked on her drink,
"that's not magic,
that's physics!"

i tried to explain to her
that i understand
about scientific explanations and theories and concepts and whathaveyou
but it still doesn't change the fact that
there is all these invisible information 
around you
in long strings of alternating and combinations of 0s and 1s
flowing along to dutifully achieve its mission
at the click of a button, at a tap of a screen, at a touch of key.

this infinite space of ours
full of all this
does it not make you become full of wonder?
does it not make you become full of awe?
of what humans are capable of dreaming of,
of what humans are capable to achieve?

but her response was simply,
"yes,
but that's not magic,
that's physics!"

and that's when i knew
it was not a battle worth fighting.

because it was then that i finally understood
that magic
is not what you see
or what you hear
or what you understand...

it's what is felt.

34: Wasting away

i'm wasting my time
i'm wasting my youth
i'm wasting my sanity
i'm wasting my energy
i'm wasting my strength
i'm wasting my life away

and i'm well aware of all this
but i just don't know how to

STOP

33: The Neverending bundles of Joy

Once, I saw a colourful curse
gorgeously graffitied
on an otherwise unflattering floor.
The menacing message read:

"May you enjoy marking
our assessments
as much as we enjoyed
answering them".

Try dodging that, fellow teachers!

Happy Exam Season.

32: marking blues

the test papers
in my bag
are only half-done;
but i
really
really
don't feel like
marking right now.

lord help me.

27: Unsound (Public Transport People #2)

i can't remember how it started, but

the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she didn't know when to get off.
she was simply told
to get on at kl sentral,
then get off at senawang.

it was her first time on a komuter.

white-haired, deaf, and illiterate,
she only had a bag of clothes
and a torn paper with a scribbled number
without a phone to call it with.

it was her first time on a komuter.

as her petite frame shrinked further into her seat
and her tired, weary eyes repeatedly searched the carriage
perhaps for a familiar face,
perhaps for some kind of miracle,
in the end, the only thing she could do
was wait until she stops at a train station

that she couldn't even read the name of.


last updated: 2016-01-31 7.10pm

---


everytime i think of this old lady, my heart breaks.

---


as i boarded the ktm
the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she wasn't sure where to stop.
she was simply told to
get on at kl sentral, and
get off at senawang,
on a komuter train -- her first time in her life -- without anyone to accompany her.

it seems incomprehensible to me that
she can't hear or say much
(she's quite deaf, you see),
and she can't read much,
(she's quite illiterate, you see),
and she doesn't have a phone
(because let's be realistic here -- it's not like she can hear or talk or read anything on a phone),

and yet here she is,
this teary-eyed white-haired woman in her 70's,
sitting in a moving train she has never been on,
not knowing how to read a route map
(or even how to tell the time),
and frightened and alone and overwhelmed that
she is a deaf and illiterate woman in her 70's
without a definite means to say "I'm here!" to,
and the only thing she could do
was wait for someone to get her when she stops at a station

that she can't even read the name of.

=============

i can't remember how it started, but

the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she wasn't sure where to stop.
she was simply told
(by the son and daughter) to
get on at kl sentral, and
get off at senawang,
on a ktm komuter -- for her first time in her life -- without anyone to accompany her.

it seems incomprehensible to me that
she can't hear or say much
(she's quite deaf, you see),
and she can't read much
(she's quite illiterate, you see),
and she doesn't have a phone
(because COME ON -- it's not like she can hear or talk or read anything on a phone),

and yet here she is,
this teary-eyed white-haired woman in her 70's,
sitting in a moving train she has never been on,
not knowing how to read a route map
(or where 'senawang' even is)
and frightened and alone and overwhelmed because
she is a deaf and illiterate woman in her 70's
who could only wait for someone to get her when she stops at a station

that she can't even read the name of.


8.24pm

---

i can't remember how it started, but

the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she wasn't sure where to stop.
she was simply told
(by her son and daughter) to
get on at kl sentral, and
get off at senawang,
on a ktm komuter -- for the first time in her life -- without anyone to assist her.

it seems incomprehensible to me that
she can't hear or say much
(she's quite deaf, you see),
and she can't read much
(she's quite illiterate, you see),
and she doesn't have a phone
(because LET'S BE REALISTIC -- it's not like she can hear or talk or read anything on a phone),

and yet here she is,
this teary-eyed white-haired woman in her 70's,
sitting in a moving train she has never been on,
without a clue of how to read a route map, and

without any way of saying (to whoever is picking her up) "I'm here!".


sitting next to strangers
who can barely understand her, and
trying to hold back feelings of sadness, fear,
loneliness and how overwhelmed she was
as a deaf and illiterate woman in her 70's
sitting in a moving train with no familiar faces around her
and the only she could do,
was wait for someone to get her when she stops at a train station

that she can't even read the name of.

---


i can't remember how it started, but

the lady next to me told me that
the lady next to her told her that
she wasn't sure where to stop.
she was simply told
(by her son and daughter) to
get on at kl sentral, then
get off at senawang
on a ktm komuter (for the first time in her life -- and without any assistance).

it seems incomprehensible to me that
she can't hear or say much
(she's quite deaf, you see),
and she can't read much
(she's quite illiterate, you see),
and she doesn't have a phone
(because LET'S BE REALISTIC -- it's not like she can hear or talk or read anything on a phone),
and yet here she is, this
white-haired woman in her 70's,
sitting in a vehicle she has never been on,
without a clue of how to read a route map, and
without any way of saying (to whoever was going to pick her up) "I'm here!".

sitting next to those who can
barely understand what she utters,
her watery eyes, reflecting
her fear of uncertainty and abandonment,
look around at the unfamiliar faces
with hope but in vain
because the only thing she could do
was wait for someone to get her when she stops at a train station

that she can't even read the name of.

---

26: Balance (Public Transport People #1)

of all the passengers
on the lrt, he stood out
like a quiet moth
against social butterflies.

wearing
an oversized security guard uniform,
a funny-looking hat,
a slightly faded backpack,
a pair of dusty black loafs and
a sullen expression,

his clumsy hands
held onto the railing as
his frail body
swayed along with the movement of the train.

yet
this dispirited man,
confused or drowning or lost or stuck
in his own world,
still managed to keep his balance
no matter how abruptly the lrt stops.

i wonder what kept him going.

3.08pm

---

i love people-watching, especially on public transports.